Are you ready for the huge and inevitable changes – physical, emotional, and attitudinal – that your daughter will go through as puberty approaches? Like parenthood itself, you really never are completely prepared for the transformation and how it affects you when your baby girl transforms into a young woman.

Your answer to the question may be, “No, I’m not ready to deal with those changes in my daughter – or to help her deal with them – right now. But that’s fine, because I have plenty of time.” That may be true – or maybe not. Girls are reaching the first stages of puberty as early as age eight and getting their first periods as early as age nine.

First, the good news: You really don’t have to have “The Talk” with your daughter when she gets her period. Next, the not-really-bad-but-kind-of-scary news: You should have lots of talks with your daughter long before she gets her period, so that you can cover, over the course of a few years, the topics that instead would be crammed into an uncomfortable, long, and overwhelming discussion: puberty, periods, breasts, tampons, pads, hormones, pubic hair, discharge, cramps, and sex, to name a few.

Talk Early and Often
“If you wait until you see breasts, it’s just a tad too late,” says Dr. Iris Prager, president of the American Association for Health Education and a consultant and educational expert at Procter & Gamble for Tampax. “Communication should have been open all the child’s life.”

If you wait too long, not only are you depriving your daughter of necessary information, but you also are missing a great opportunity to promote a positive body image and to strengthen your mother-daughter bond in the process. In addition, you risk losing your message. “Schools start teaching about puberty in fourth or fifth grade,” says Dr. Prager, who hosts “Ask Dr. Iris” forums or manages the content on several Web sites, including www.tampax.com, www.always.com, and www.beinggirl.com. “If you want your message and perspective and values to come across first, you need to have ongoing, open communication before fourth grade.”

When your daughter is as young as age three or four, you will be able to find what Dr. Prager calls “teachable moments.” When her own daughter, Sarah, was four, she found the perfect teachable moment when Sarah was in the bathroom hanging tampons over her ears like earrings. Dr. Prager took the time to tell her, in simple terms, what tampons are used for. “She probably didn’t really understand what I was saying,” she admits. But it was a conversation that introduced Sarah to new vocabulary that would become an integral part of her life, and to the world she inevitably would live in as a woman.

Look for the Signs
The normal range in age for a girl to get her first period is eight to 16, and the average age is 12-1/2. But the first period is actually the end of puberty, not the beginning. You can look for some early physical signs that will let you know that puberty is starting and your daughter soon will get her period.

In the first visible stage, your daughter will go through a significant growth spurt, an increase in both height and weight. Then breast buds appear, and she might feel sore around the nipples. Next, the first public hair grows in, fine and straight.

Of course, part of the emotional changes that puberty brings is for daughters to shut out their mothers, so it may be hard for you to notice the slight physical changes. And it may be hard for mothers to handle the new mother-daughter relationship. “She has always been your best buddy. Suddenly, everything you say starts a fight,” says Dr. Prager. “Be aware of where it’s coming from and don’t take it personally.”

In the next stage of puberty, her body becomes rounder, and her hips become more defined. Pubic hair gets darker and she will begin to have a vaginal discharge. This stage may be one to two years before the first period. Then she gets hair under her arms and, finally, her period starts.

When that happens, your daughter’s biggest question will be, “How do I tell my mom?” Dr. Prager encourages girls to take the direct approach, whether it’s writing a letter, sending an e-mail or giving their mother a card that says, “Congratulations! Your daughter got her first period!” Or, if the direct approach is just too hard, Dr. Prager advises girls to just put their dirty underwear in the laundry. “I tell them, ‘Your mother will notice and, hopefully, start the conversation.’” If your daughter takes the stealthy route, make sure you do start that conversation. She is silently screaming for you to do so.

When a girl writes to Dr. Prager telling her that she got her first period and asking for advice, her first response is, “Congratulations!” She says that, while it is a time loaded with apprehension, worry, and fear, it also is an event worth marking in a positive way. “I encourage mothers to celebrate with their daughters,” she says.

Top Ten Tips for Open Communication With Your Daughter
Dr. Prager offers these 10 tips to help you successfully communicate with your daughter about puberty.

• Talk openly, face to face, more than once. Dr. Prager believes that the car is the ideal setting for challenging discussions. “You have a captured audience, and if it’s a difficult or uncomfortable conversation, you have an excuse to avoid eye contact.”
  
  
• It’s OK to feel awkward, especially if your own mother never talked to you about your period or puberty.
  
  
• Reassure your daughter that every girl will develop at her own rate. Take her to see the doctor if she shows no physical changes by age 14, or if she doesn’t get her period by age 16. You also can take her to the doctor for reassurance at any time.
  
  
• Discuss menstruation before your daughter goes through changes.
  
  
• Don’t think you have to be an expert to succeed. There are plenty of resources you can tap into, including your daughter’s pediatrician, books, and several Web sites, including www.beinggirl.com, www.olathe.com, www.tampax.com, and www.aboutyou.info.
  
  
• Make sure your daughter understands what you’re saying and isn’t confused.
  
  
• Be a good listener.
  
  
• Share your own personal experiences.
  
  
• Don’t wait for her to ask you questions.
  
  
• Have a sense of humor!