With the escalation of recent events in the Middle East, families are inevitably affected by the war, whether directly or indirectly. Our children are no exception. Even young kids, with their natural antennaes tuned to detect the slightest variation in their routine, are alerted by the climate they sense around them, and the serious tone of family discussions. The fact that much of the news may be beyond their grasp or understanding can be instrumental in creating a climate of fear and insecurity. This can surface in the form of nightmares or night terrors, particularly if your child has loved ones on the front lines.

Here is a set of guidelines for emergency use following a nightmare. To make it easy to use, I repeat some material in each section. Now would be a good time to read the first section on general principles for dealing with nightmares to get an overview. When your child has (or you have) a nightmare, turn to the section dealing with the nightmare in question for immediate help. Each section is independent so you don’t have to continually refer to the beginning.

Common Dream Themes
If your child’s nightmare is not specifically described, locate the nearest equivalent. If nothing seems to fit, read the section on chase or attack dreams. (If you had the nightmare, think of the comments as referring to the child-in-you.)

Here are specific nightmares that are discussed individually:

• Chase or attack
  
• House on fire
  
• Falling
  
• Vehicle out of control
  
• Injury or death
  
• Being paralyzed or stuck
  
• Kidnapped
  
• Great water: tidal wave, flood, drowning
  
• Being lost

Note: When a child awakens during the night, parents must first of all determine whether the situation is a night terror or a nightmare. Read about the differences now to be better prepared when the time comes.

Night Terrors
If your child exhibits two or more of the symptoms listed below, he or she probably has “night terrors,” an episode of awakening from sleep in a state of acute panic. Most characteristic is the sense of extreme terror; often there is no recall of having dreamed.

Symptoms of Night Terrors

• Child abruptly awakens with a piercing scream.
  
  
• Child appears terrified or in pain.
  
  
• Child cries, moans, yells, or mumbles incoherently.
  
  
• Child sits up, jumps out of bed, or runs around.
  
  
• Child’s eyes are open but unseeing; appears dazed; pupils dilate; may hallucinate
  
  
• Child’s heartbeat is racing (double the normal rate).
  
  
• Child perspires profusely.
  
  
• Child breathes rapidly and shallowly; may gasp for breath.
  
  
• Child remains agitated for several minutes to half hour.
  
  
• Child rebuffs attempts to console; attack runs its course.
  
  
• Child has been asleep only one-and-a-half hours (two-thirds of all episodes occur early in the night).
  
  
• Child may have night terrors at any age but is often younger—three to five years old.
  
  
• Child has little or no recall of dream imagery; any imagery consists of a single violent threat.
  
  
• Child has no recollection of attack in the morning.

First Aid For Night Terrors

• Be available and protective.
  
  
• Do not attempt to hold forcibly or restrain child unless essential for security; restraint may intensify outburst.
  
  
• Do not become angry or try to rouse the child by shaking, slapping, yelling, etc.
  
  
• Touch child lightly; if possible, put arm around child or stroke face and arms soothingly.
  
  
• Walk with child if he or she moves about restlessly.
  
  
• Speak softly, calmly, and reassuringly, even if child does not appear to hear. Say such things as “It’s all right. Everything’s all right. It’s all over. I’m here. You’re okay now,” etc.
  
  
• A warm washcloth gently wiped over the face may help the child recover.
  
  
• Let the child return to sleep as soon as possible.

Probable Causes of Night Terrors

In children, this disorder is technically referred to as pavor nocturnus, from Latin words meaning “night terror” Night terrors are considered to be a disorder of partial arousal. The episode begins in a state of very deep sleep (stage 4). Instead of moving gradually upward through lighter stages of sleep (stages 3 and 2) into a dream period (stage 1, or REM), the child is catapulted suddenly awake. The rapid shift of consciousness brings with it an overwhelming sense of dread.

Experts think that night terrors are the result of an immature nervous system, but we do not yet know exactly why they occur. Sometimes, however, high fevers, head injuries, or other physical trauma has triggered attacks. Emotional stress, fatigue, or a sudden external stimulus may also precipitate an attack. Researchers have produced an attack experimentally in some susceptible people by startling them awake with a loud buzzer; others remain unaffected.

Most experts say that this disorder upsets parents and spouses more than the victim, who usually does not remember the event. Night terrors in children almost always disappear without treatment.

Although night terrors are not usually thought to be related to emotional disturbance in children, adults who suffer from them say that emotional upsets intensify the experience. Experts are still debating how much influence the psychological component has in this disorder.

From one to five percent of all children have at least one attack of night terrors. (Figures vary from expert to expert.) These attacks are most common between the ages of three and seven years old, but they occur in all age ranges. Night terrors are more frequent in males, and since boys mature later, attacks last a longer time for them. Fortunately, most children outgrow night terrors by adolescence.

In adults, the equivalent experience to night terrors is called “incubus,” from a Latin word meaning, “to lie upon.” This term is based on the ancient notion that a demon or evil spirit possesses the victim during the night.

Adults who suffer from night terrors report feelings of overwhelming dread; an impression of being crushed or having great pressure on the chest; and they may sometimes experience muscle paralysis or difficulty breathing. Like children, most adults do not recall the attack by morning.

For adults, the attack may be a malfunction of the sleep process. Two-thirds of all adults report having had at least one night terror. As many as six percent say they have one attack a week, and some unhappy people experience attacks three or four times a week.

An acquaintance of mine, a prominent opera singer, tells me that she has such experiences almost every night. Since she has a powerful voice, her shrieks awaken everyone within hearing distance, and her wild flailing has occasionally wounded her bed partner, to say nothing of startling him awake.

Several adult victims of night terrors have said that the attacks started during a major life change. Many (75 percent)) attest that emotional strain intensifies the experience; some (15 percent) state that fatigue, too, affects the vividness of the experience. Victims of night terrors often have relatives who suffer from the same disorder; 14 percent of first-degree relatives also had attacks. Many people who have other disorders of arousal also have night terrors; for instance, 33 percent of sleepwalkers and 16 percent of bed-wetters also experience night terrors. Similarly, 94 percent of people with night terrors also walk in their sleep.

Long Term Treatment For Night Terrors

If night terror attacks frequently disrupt the household, consult a pediatrician or sleep center. Sometimes neurological tests are recommended. Rarely, a mild epilepsy is indicated. Tests are usually, but not always, negative.

Mild tranquilizers, drugs that suppress deep sleep, may sometimes be prescribed. We know little about the long term effect of these drugs, however, and parents should proceed with caution. When night terrors are subsequent to concussions or other traumatic head injury, temporary use of drugs may be indicated.

Sleep expert Roger Broughton postulates that emotional conflicts erupt in night terrors when defenses are at their ebb in the deepest stage of sleep. Another dream expert, Rosalind Cartwright, says that when children do have some recall of the content of their night terror, the image is often of an animal about to attack. Adults, too, when they remember what created their dreadful anxiety, report being the target of murderous aggression; the ensuing panic is the terror of death. For example, Cartwright observed in her laboratory a man undergoing a night terror. He stared at what he thought was a man aiming a gun at him.

One child who suffered from night terrors was heard to repeat the word “seven” during his attacks. It was never determined what significance the term seven had for the child. If your child suffers night terrors and says anything that is coherent, note it carefully. It may provide a clue for unraveling part of the tangled ball of terror.

William Dement, who coined the term REM (Rapid Eye Movements), and who heads a clinic for sleep disorders at Stanford University in California, is of the strong opinion that night terrors, or any of the disorders of partial arousal, should not be treated in children. He feels that most treatments are ineffective and make the child unnecessarily anxious. Patience, he says, is the only cure.

Oddly enough, at the same time that many experts advise parents that most children outgrow night terrors and nothing needs to be done, other experts give advice to adult victims of night terrors to increase their sense of security. They suggest locking windows and putting on night-lights to make the victim feel safer.

In fact, it seems to me that any activity, or series of activities, that parents can take to increase the child’s sense of security and well-being is worthwhile.

Nightmares
If your child exhibits two or more of the following symptoms, he or she probably has just had a nightmare, an episode of abrupt awakening from sleep in a state of anxiety. Characteristically, the child recalls having dreamed and the fearful events that were disturbing. The distinction between nightmares and unpleasant dreams is simply a matter of degree.

Symptoms of Nightmares

• Child awakens upset, crying, and frightened.
  
  
• Child rarely screams (in contrast to night terrors).
  
  
• Child is shocked or anxious (but not in panic or terror).
  
  
• Child makes slight or moderate movements, not wild flinging about.
  
  
• Child does not perspire.
  
  
• Child recalls a bad dream, often of a wild animal, villain, or monster in pursuit.
  
  
• Child’s dream recall is elaborate (often more than a single image).
  
  
• Child may confuse dream and reality, yet is not insistently hallucinatory; is coherent.
  
  
• Child may have difficulty describing feelings and fears.
  
  
• Child realizes dream caused awakening.
  
  
• Child responds to effort to calm; accepts reassurance.
  
  
• Child has been asleep for some time, about half the night.
  
  
• Child may have nightmare at any age, but is often older; average between seven and ten years.
  
  
• Child still recalls nightmare in the morning.

First Aid for Nightmares

• Encourage child to describe dream. When content is established, refer to specific section dealing with that type of nightmare.
  
  
• Discuss alternative solutions to the nightmare. Suggest child use alternative solution if that dream ever recurs.
  
  Read general principles below now. In an emergency, turn to the section dealing with the nightmare in question (or its nearest equivalent). Read the sections on Probable Causes and Long Term Treatment at leisure, and implement those that seem right for you.

  General Principles for Dealing With Nightmares
  
  Regardless of what type of nightmare your child had, keep in mind the following principle: you can empower your child to become active rather than passive in the dream; you can help you child change the dream.

  1. Teach your child to confront and conquer danger in dreams; to fight rather than run or hide; to befriend rather than brutalize.
  

  Of course, running or hiding that is successful in eluding the frightening dream situation is psychologically better for the child than trying to escape unsuccessfully and succumbing to the threat. When your child manages to cope with dream dangers—even if it involves fleeing—praise him or her. Then suggest more active coping techniques, as discussed in the sections on specific nightmares.

  Befriending the threatening dream figure is sometimes possible. Ask your child, “Could you make friends with the animal/person/thing that frightened you in the dream? Find out what the creature/person/thing wants.” Many children feel this is an overwhelming task, however, and it is most effectively used after the child has had some practice in confronting and conquering dream enemies. Whenever it is possible to befriend a villainous dream character, children derive enormous satisfaction.

  A child who attacks other dream characters without provocation is behaving as inappropriately as the one who collapses under attack. Suggest to such a child that in future dreams he or she befriend the other dream characters, cooperate on some project, or have an adventure together.

  Many times children have taught me creative ways they devised for coping with bad dreams, in addition to fighting back. When one little girl, for example, finds herself inside a nightmare, she marks a big “X” across what is happening, and the dream scene changes. A little boy explained to me that when something bad is going on in his dream he simply “changes the channel.”

  By drawing on inner resources in these and other ways, children learn an essential lesson: what they do can make a difference in their lives. They cease being passive victims. They develop self-reliance.

  2. Teach your child to call on “dream friends” for help when needed during the dream. Convey the concept that the child can do something about the terrifying situation.
  
  Children, as well as adults, feel most helpless when it seems as though nothing can be done to remedy a dreadful situation. Psychologists say it is possible to adopt hopelessness as an attitude toward life; they call it “learned helplessness.” Children who feel a situation is hopeless get depressed. A recent tragic case is the child who committed suicide because of low grades on his report card. Children may perceive as unbearable events that can, in fact, be improved or are not nearly so important as they think.

  A leading expert in the area of helplessness, Martin Seligman, put his knowledge to work when his own small daughter began to be troubled by nightmares. Dr. Seligman told me that he taught her, “Whenever you find yourself in trouble in dreams, call for Apollo [the family dog].” The girl was well advised; hopefully she was then able to dispel her nightmares herself.

  Other children call for their mother or father to help during a bad dream; one little girl recites a protective prayer and visualizes her spiritual leader. Religious figures, superheroes and heroines, parents, friends, and pets—all can deliver the child from danger in a dream. Tell your children to call for help in nightmares, but to fight by themselves until help arrives.

  3. Share stories that provide a model for successful confrontation.
  
  Boys and girls who are familiar with literature in which children triumph over villains have a model to use for their own dream enemies. Max, in Maurice Sendak’s "Where the Wild Things Are," tames the beasts “by the magic trick of staring into their yellow eyes.” By being more ferocious than the wild things (who are dream characters), Max is made king over them. Children who conquer their dream fears in this way feel equally powerful.

  When the Queen of Hearts shouts, “Off with her head!” to Alice in Lewis Carroll’s classic, "Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland," the little girl fights back. “Who cares for you?” she says returning to her full size. “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!” At this, the pestering people of Alice’s dreams turn back into a pack of cards that fly toward her as the dream ends. I’ve seen the same technique work when a dreamer says to a threatening dream creature, “You’re just a dream!”

  Alice confronts the troublemaking Red Queen in Carroll’s sequel "Though the Looking-Glass." When Alice turns on her, the Red Queen dwindles to the size of a doll; the child catches and shakes her. As the Queen transforms into the child’s kitten, Alice awakens victorious from the dream story.

  Such tales, and others with similar themes (the Harry Potter books contain many parallels with triumphant child heroes), can be shared with children to help them conceive the notion that it is possible to take action against the witches and vampires, beasts and monsters, that trouble their dreams. You can abbreviate and paraphrase stories that may be too advanced for, or unappealing to, a small child, taking care to leave in the important step, what I call “confront and conquer danger in your dreams.”

  4. Teach appropriate skills and provide experiences in waking life to cope with dream disasters.
  
  Anxieties in children’s dreams sometimes stem from lack of knowledge or from misconceptions. Boys and girls who are facing hospitalization, for instance, find the unknown aspects of the situation extremely frightening; instructing them about what to expect reduces anxiety.

  Similarly, children who are inordinately afraid of fires or policemen, etc..., can profit from factual information and positive experiences, such as visiting a fire station or police station to meet people and see equipment. This will help dispel distorted ideas.

  One researcher attempted to eliminate nightmares in a group of 25 normal children who were suffering terror dreams following a traumatic life experience. For instance, a child who was awakened in the middle of the night by fire alarms and bells when the house across the street from his own caught on fire was troubled thereafter with terror dreams about fire engines.

  Some of these children were asked to choose something they would prefer to dream about, such as visiting children in different lands; others were told that their terror dream was foolish and to tell themselves they would sleep peacefully all night; still others were taken to do things relevant to their terror dreams. The child who dreamed of frightening fire engines, for example, was taken to visit a fire engine station, where he talked with the firemen about their job and the engine.

  All the children were eventually able to eliminate their terror dreams, but those who engaged in relevant activity in waking life were, as a group, quicker; their terror dreams disappeared on the average, within two months. Those children who suggested pleasant substitute dreams to themselves averaged three months before the terror dream vanished, and those who were given suggestions to ignore the terror dream averaged five months before it disappeared. Waking activity can change your child’s dreams. Engage in activities relevant to the dream change that you wish to produce.

  5. Encourage pleasant happenings and dream discoveries
  
  Show your child the pleasures that can be derived from his or her dreams by using them as a creative resource. Promote happy dreams. Explore the fascinating methods of creative expression based on dreams.

  Redreams

  One of my favorite techniques of dream work with children is to ask them to draw what I call a “redream.” This is what I tell a group of children who have been describing their worst nightmares:

  • Close your eyes.
    
    
  • Think about your dream.
    
    
  • Pretend that you can see your dream.
    
    
  • Picture it exactly the way it happened. Can you see it? (Child usually nods yes; if not, give reminders of the dream content from earlier discussion.)
    
    
  • Okay. Now, in your imagination, think of something else that could happen, something good that would change the dream.
    
    
  • Make the dream better. Turn it into a good dream. Chance it. Maybe there is some superhero who comes to help you. Or maybe a helicopter flies in to rescue you. Perhaps you find a magic weapon. Maybe you make friends with the thing that frightened you. Do anything you want to make the dream the way that you want it to be.
    
    
  • Picture very clearly how the dream is different this time. See the details, the colors, the shapes, the sounds, maybe even smells and tastes.
    
    
  • Now open your eyes and draw a picture of the new dream.

  Children usually love this fantasy, and the suggestions produce much giggling. As they draw their redreams, I go around speaking quietly to individual children. Many of them have already devised means to transform the dream; others need a few suggestions. Always allow the child final choice on how to grapple with the dream. I ask them to tell me about the picture and identify parts that are unclear.

  Boys and girls redream their nightmares in a variety of ways. A seven-year-old girl, for instance, transformed the park with dead grass and a monster chasing her into a place filled with flowers. Another seven-year old girl had the sharks who had been killing people turn tail and swim away. A nine-year-old girl had a mermaid save her from the devil/witch who held her captive underground. A ten-year-old boy protected himself and a friend from wild animals with a magic sword. A twelve-year-old girl had a man from the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals take away the cats who were biting her. Another twelve-year-old girl, had the horse kick the mean teacher who was cutting off its head.

  Simply imagining that a nightmare comes off differently and drawing it, defuses the child’s anxiety. The child begins to realize that other options are available. An art therapist who works with battered children tells me that she uses similar techniques to evoke the dreamer’s resources. She encourages the child to see the dream situation from a different viewpoint, such as what a bird might see; she helps the child find other ways to solve the dream problem; she picks out any benign image in the dream and has the child make it more powerful. You may find that such exercises help your child wrangle with, and dispense with, a specific nightmare.

  6. Provide reassuring touch
  
  Most children find gentle physical touch reassuring—stroking the back, smoothing the forehead and hair, light massage. Soothe the child in whatever way works best for him or her.

  Some sleep experts state that after a nightmare it is important to break up any ongoing brain patterns before returning to sleep. Otherwise, they say, the same bad dream could continue. Touching the child’s face and body helps accomplish this. Adults can rub the child’s arms, etc. Getting up, going to the bathroom, washing the face, getting a drink of water—all these are useful in shifting ongoing brain patterns.

  Avoid tranquilizers unless absolutely necessary. As well as posing other dangers, they reinforce the idea that assistance must come from the outside; the child feels incompetent.

  7. Provide reassuring objects such as favorite toys, books, music, etc.
  
  Some children find it consoles them to hold their favorite stuffed animal or doll. The softness and familiarity bring comfort. An eleven-year-old girl said that she feels better holding her pet kitten after a bad dream. She also likes to read a “simple” book, something that is easy for her, like "The Wonderful Wizard of Oz." (Not all children would find this book heartening.) Other children like to put on soft music to lull themself back to sleep.

  Probable Causes of Nightmares
  
  Unlike night terrors, nightmares occur during REM sleep. The miserable experience of awakening from a nightmare afflicts people from the youngest to the oldest age. Although experts vary in their calculations of the age when children are most prone to nightmares, the average seems to be about seven years old.

  Moreover, in contrast to night terrors that are more frequent in males, more females—three times as many—complain of nightmares. We do not know why.

  Compared to ordinary bad dreams, nightmares are clearer, more elaborate, and exceedingly more unpleasant. They involve greater apprehensiveness, more physical activity and more vivid color. The content of nightmares usually threatens the dreamer’s safety, survival, or self-esteem. Some victims report three attacks or more each week.

  People suffer nightmares from a number of causes. Although episodes are thought to be unconnected to the developmental abnormalities sometimes found in night terrors, there is a physical basis for some nightmares.

  Physical Causes
  
  

  1. Withdrawal from drugs
     
     Any person who has been taking sleeping pills (barbiturates) or stimulants (amphetamines) or large doses of alcohol, is suppressing their REM sleep. When the person stops ingesting the substance, he or she is certain to experience vivid, bizarre, and extremely frightening dreams. (People undergoing cancer treatments tell me that chemo-therapy has a similar effect.) During the first few nights following drug withdrawal, REM periods are often twice as long as normal, and much more intense.
     
     In children, this means that medication following operations or injury will probably lead to a surge of nightmares after the medication is stopped. Ask your physician whether any prescribed medication suppresses REM sleep. Be prepared to cope with nightmares.
     
     Adults withdrawing from sleeping pills sometimes feel forced to return to them to avoid nightmares, thus prolonging and exacerbating the problem. Some people develop “REM-interruption insomnia,” a condition that involves waking as soon as a dream begins. This creates other difficulties, including depression and general insomnia. If you should become aware of not dreaming, consult a physician; we all need our dreams to stay healthy.
     
     
  2. Fevers
     
     High fevers can cause terrifying nightmares, even hallucinations. If your child becomes ill and runs a fever, being aware of this likelihood can help you provide prompt aid. Nightmares resulting from fevers, like those from drugs, have a weird and ghastly quality for the victim.
     
     
  3. Sleep Deprivation and Fatigue
     
     Going without sleep for long periods leads to “REM rebound.” Once deprived people have an opportunity to sleep, their brains first restore deep sleep; thereafter, REM periods are long and intense, with disturbing dreams. Keep this in mind when traveling with children. Try to provide opportunities for periodic rest to avoid creating conditions favorable to nightmares.
     
     
  4. Indigestion
     
     Poor digestion from overeating or from tainted food can provoke nightmares. A two-year-old girl suffered a violent nightmare after eating mounds of pink popcorn at the zoo. Some caution is called for in monitoring food intake, especially just before bed.
     
     
  5. Food Allergies
     
     Some parents tell me that their children have more nightmares after having eaten a food to which they are allergic. One mother, for instance, says that her son’s nightmares increase following meals of dairy products to which the boy is allergic. If your child has allergies, notice whether nightmares occur after eating “forbidden” foods. If so, avoidance of these foods becomes even more important.
     
     
  6. Hypersensitivity
     
     

     Some children are especially sensitive to their environment. These boys and girls may be unduly upset by such changes as new routines, the presence of strangers, pressures at school, and so forth. This disturbance is often expressed in nightmares.
     

     Parents whose children are plagued with frequent nightmares (three times a week or more) over a long period of time would do well to consult their physician or to contact a psychological or psychiatric clinic at the local hospital or university. Extremely anxious children have more nightmares; professional counseling can resolve their underlying problems.
     

     Most sensitive children, however, can benefit from opportunities for creative expression and development. We can give children a chance to direct their sensitivity away from fearful or destructive modes and into constructive channels.
     
     

  7. Family Association
     
     Are nightmares “catching”—learned by living in the same environment with people who have them—or inherited? We do not yet know. Researchers in one study found that many adults (20 percent) who have frequent nightmares had first-degree relatives who also have nightmares.

     Sleepwalkers are prone to having nightmares as well as night terrors; 60 percent of people who walk in their sleep also report nightmares.

Psychological Causes



In contrast to night terrors, nightmares are closely correlated to the dreamer’s psychological state. Most authorities agree that nightmares are usually a reaction to life pressures, such as:

1. A traumatic or significant negative life event.
   Change in a loving relationship, living conditions, work, or family life can trigger nightmares. Death, divorce, or any emotionally painful event is likely to provoke nightmarish responses.
   
   
2. A period of stress.
   Smaller, day- to-day problems can also elicit nightmares. Anything that makes us feel insecure or puts us into emotional turmoil can serve as a stimulus.
   In general, nightmares indicate the level of stress that is in our daily life as we combat our problems; in our dreams we try to cope with the anxieties, fears, and angers that are evoked. Just as ordinary dreams help us to deal with our everyday difficulties, so do our nightmares attempt to handle more serious situations and outright crises. They express our concerns over traumatic events, or worries about upcoming ones, and give us a chance to practice coping. Thus, nightmares, too, help us successfully encounter life. Yet we may be so frightened by a nightmare that we are unable to benefit from it; this is especially true for children.

Long Term Treatment for Nightmares

Everyone has extremely bad dreams now and then; an occasional nightmare is normal. When our children go through periods of stress or anxiety or change, we can expect them to have nightmares. Boys and girls are more aware of their dreams under stress than when life flows smoothly.

As children go through phases of developing self-reliance, they often feel frustrated by parents, siblings, or others who interfere with their efforts to grow up; hence they have hostile feelings that are usually kept inside. Children are scared of their own aggressive impulses; they become afraid of not being able to control their emotions and fear punishment for having angry thoughts. They are also frightened of aggressive behavior in people around them. These emotions take the shape of wild beasts or villains or monsters in their dreams.

Nightmares are an extension of normal dreaming and are a natural part of growing up. Unless nightmares are severe and persistent, disturbing the child’s whole personality, parents need not be unduly concerned.

Working with dreams helps remove the fear from them. It is especially important to encourage a child to express bad dreams in some waking form—in discussion or in artistic product. The nightmare that is held in secret and brooded upon is the one that festers. Help your child to cope with any bad dreams by using the following guide.




Nightmare Emergency: Chase or Attack

Description: Child reports that a wild animal, evil person, monster, or other threat pursued or attacked him or her. The villain may catch, harm, eat, or kill the dreaming victim.

Frequency:This nightmare is the most common bad dream among all people. Most children have it fairly often. The nightmare is a natural response to some life stress.

Usual meaning: “I feel threatened,” either by some person in the environment or by an emotion with the dreamer. (Occasionally, this dream is a replay of an actual event.)

First Aid

To make it easier to memorize these six steps, notice that the initial letter of each step spells the word dreams:

• Describe the dream
  
  
• Reflect the child’s feeling
  
  
• Express reassurance
  
  
• Align allies/take action
  
  
• Make drawing or other creative product from dream
  
  
• Seek long term solution

1. Describe the dream.

Tell me about it.
What happened?
What happened next?
Then what did you do?
How did it end?

2. Reflect the child’s feeling.

If your child has spontaneously mentioned emotions he or she felt during the dream, “reflect” them, that is, rephrase them so that the child feels heard and understood. For instance, “You feel scared”; “You were afraid it would hurt you”; “You felt all alone,” and so forth. If the child hasn’t mentioned his or her feelings, elicit them. Comment as appropriate.



• How did you feel?
  
• Did you feel different when…(there was some change in dream)?
  
• What was the very worst part? (Sometimes the answer to this is surprising; accept whatever it is.)
  
• You felt scared.
  
• You felt helpless.
  
• The worst part was…(you were all alone, no one came when you called for help, and so on)

3. Express reassurance



• Lots and lots of children have that dream.
  
• It didn’t happen in the waking world, but it’s still scary.
  
• Most people don’t know you can do something about bad dreams.
  
  (Or, if based on actual traumatic event) We can’t change what happened, but you can make your dream different.

4. Align allies; take action



• If you ever have that dream again, you can change it.
  
• You don’t have to let that person/animal/monster/thing hurt you.
  
• Dreams are like magic; you can make things happen in them.
  
• The next time that person/animal/monster/thing bothers you, turn around and face it.
  
• Fight back.
  
• You can have anyone you want in your dream.
  
• Who’s strong?
  
• Who do you know who could help you in the dream? (If child can’t think of anyone, suggest superheroes or heroines, Daddy, Mommy, a pet, religious figures, or other familiar and admired characters.)
  
• You can call for help. (If child did so in dream, praise the attempt and encourage having the help appear next time.)
  
• What if that happened in waking life? What could you do? (Call the police, call 911 or other emergency number, be picked up by a helicopter, find a weapon, get a friend to help, run to a stranger and tell them you need help, and so on.)
  
• Fight by yourself until help comes.
  
• What could you do by yourself? (Glue the monster’s mouth shut, put it in a cage, get a magic weapon, and so on.)
  
• I wonder what would happen if you made friends with that person/animal/monster/thing. (Many children think this impossible at first; making friend is most useful after the child has had some experience confronting and conquering. If the person in the dream was an actual abuser or criminal, do not suggest the idea of making friends.)
  
• Try asking what the person/animal/monster/thing wants.
  
• Say, “Why are you chasing me?”
  
• Make a trade with it: you teach me something—a song, poem, dance, idea—and I won’t make you go away. If may seem impossible, but big, scary creatures can change shape in dreams, become friendly, or give you a gift.
  
• Try giving the person/animal/monster/thing a candy bar. Or play a game with it.
  
• Just remember, the next time you have a dream like that, don’t run or try to hide: confront the person/animal/monster/thing and win. Or make friends with it.

  Sample Solutions
  
  An eight-year-old boy called upon “Ultraman” to help him banish his nightmares about a lion chasing him; a four-year-old girl called for her dog to help her during bad dreams; another four-year-old girl had her father move the stairs where a bad dream creature sat. A ten-year-old boy was aided by “Mighty Joe Young” in his nightmares; Superman rescued a five-year-old boy from a dream closet. A ten-year-old girl was saved from dream sharks by a strange man; a two-year-old girl was rescued by a fairy in white from a daddy-long legs who was chasing her. A five-year-old boy who was alarmed by a dream skeleton, a ghost, and Dracula trying to such his blood, was protected by Casper the Friendly Ghost.

  Other children saved themselves or other children in their nightmares. One little girl glued the dream monster’s mouth shut; another overfed the dream monster. A twelve-year-old girl jumped into the water and saved her friend from a dream shark; a boy of the same age saved a girl who was kidnapped by a dream ape. An eleven-year-old girl told the dream man who threatened her with a knife, “Don’t you dare!”

  Another girl of the same age who was frightened by a green monster in a “cold, dark, and very scary” cave, grabbed a stick and hit him on the head. The monster fainted. Yet another asked the monster why it was chasing her, and told him to leave her alone. He did..

  Children have described to me still other methods of coping with their nightmares. A little girl from Asia told me that if someone is trying to kill you in a dream, you let them, then you take revenge. Another discovered that she could make a bad dream go away by squeezing her eyes very tightly during the dream.

  Still another girl puts an “X” across a dream scene she dislikes. Some children simply “turn the channel,” when they have a bad dream, as if it were a television program—and they get a better “show.”

  A boy who was disturbed by nightmares about a monster was asked by his therapist to close his eyes and picture the beast clearly. Then the therapist told to boy he was going to chase the monster away. He yelled at it and slapped the desk, until the boy joined him in monster chasing. A few sessions were sufficient to get rid of the boy’s bad dream. Parents may find the same approach useful.

  5. Make a drawing or creative product from the dream image
  
  (This method is useful for the next day or so after the nightmare).

  • You had such a good idea last night (or whenever) about how to deal with that person/animal/monster/thing. Would you show me how that dream looked?
    
  • Draw me a picture of the dream.
    
  • I’d really like to see.
    
  • Now show me how it would look when you use the better ending.
    
  • You can change that picture or draw a new one.
    
  • Why don’t you make up a poem or story about that silly person/animal/monster/thing. (Assist as needed)


(Display dream drawings or other creative products.)

One little girl drew a picture of herself on a sandbank with an alligator chasing her from the water. To indicate that the alligator proceeded to eat her, she scribbled herself out on the drawing. A “redream” drawing might show the girl restored, with the alligator now in a cage. She chose to call the police to catch the beast. A ten-year-old boy drew himself wielding a magic sword to combat the wild animals that chased him and a friend in his nightmare. When a child has made a drawing of a dream, or succeeded in getting a “gift” from the villain that the child draws or makes, be sure to provide a place of honor for it.

6. Seek long term solution

Exposure to the feared stimulus
Sometimes exposure to the feared object—in very small amounts—helps “innoculate” the child against it. This is the technique called desensitization when it is used by professionals in therapy. For instance, a little girl who had terrifying nightmares about policemen as villains was taken by her father to visit the police station. She met the captain, toured the barracks, and talked with several patrolmen. Although the experience wasn’t fun for her, she later felt it helped her overcome her phobia. Likewise, a boy who had terrifying nightmares about fire engines following an actual fire, benefited from a trip to the fire station. It is very important not to overwhelm the child with the thing that evokes fear. Present the feared stimulus a little at a time. For some children, therapy might be required.

Read relevant stories
Read stories to the child that provide a model of success in dealing with a source of fear similar to the one in the child’s nightmare.

Provide appropriate toys
Toys that suggest the nightmare content give the child an opportunity to act out fantasies. Playing out the dream can help a child practice more satisfactory conclusions.

The “anti-monster gun.” Parents contrive clever ways to help their children overcome nightmares. A five-year-old boy had occasional monster dreams that became troublesome. His mother bought him a special flashlight shaped like a gun. When the trigger was pulled a beam of light “shot” out. Proclaiming the flashlight an anti-monster gun, his mother suggested it might help solve his nightmares.

Soon the boy reported, “I know that monsters are all in your head, but I feel a lot safter since I got my anti-monster gun.” I have seen cans of spray that are labeled “Nightmare preventer” in toy stores. Suggestion works in many forms. Giving children confidence in themselves is crucial to conquering nightmares.

Psychoanalyst Bruno Bettelheim provided flashlights of all sizes and shapes—the larger the better—to the emotionally disturbed children at the University of Chicago school where he was principal. He recommended flashlights as highly desirable toys for all children because of their form (phallic) and their ability to penetrate the dark. Parents may also find that flashlights provide their children with a useful defense against dream villains.

Nightmare Emergency: Falling


Description: Child reports falling through the air, frightened; child may or may not strike the ground in the dream. Note that falling dreams sometimes occur in conjunction with an actual fall from bed. For instance, children have fallen out of bed to the accompaniment of dreams about: falling down a mountain; a small plane falling from the sky; falling off the Empire State Building; being in a rocket that took off in space.

Frequency: Everybody has this dream at least once; common, yet a child does not dream of falling very often.

Usual meanings: “I feel insecure”; “I have no emotional support”; “I have no solid grounding”’ “I’ve lost ground”; or literally, “I am falling.”

First Aid 1. Describe the dream

Tell me about it.
What happened?
What happened next?
What did you do?
How did it end?

2. Reflect the child’s feelings

If child has spontaneously mentioned his or her emotions during the dream, reflect them. If not, ask about them. Comment as appropriate.


• Did you feel different when…(there was a change in the dream)?
  
• What was the worst part?
  
• How did you feel?
  
• You felt scared.
  
• You felt unsupported.
  
• You felt helpless.

3. Express reassurance

Many children have that dream.
I used to have that dream; I sometimes dream that (if true).
Most people don’t know you can change the dream.

4. Align allies; take action



• Strange as it may seem, falling can be a very good dream.
  
• Remember the adventures Alice had in Wonderland when she fell down the rabbit hole?
  
• Well, some people in a country very far away tell their children “Falling is one of the best dreams you can have.” They say “the earth spirits love you; they are calling you.”
  
• When you dream of falling, relax; let yourself fall gently and land gently.
  
• Go and find the wonderful things that are waiting for you there. You can see the different people or animals, learn their songs and dances, their masks and costumes, and bring them back to share with us.
  
• Better yet, next time you have the dream of falling, fly.
  
• Turn the passive falling into active flying.
  
• Fly someplace interesting and learn something.
  
• Remember what you discover and tell me about it when you wake up. You know, it is safe the strike the bottom in a dream. (People are often alarmed from hearing the old tale that if you hit the ground in a dream you will die. This is simply not true; I have hit ground in many dreams, and so have numerous people I know. Thinking that it might be true, of course, adds to the panic of a falling dream.)
  
• If you could have anything you want happen in that dream—and you can—what would you choose?
  
• How else would you change the dream of falling?
  
• (If based on an actual fall) Maybe you are remembering when… How can we prevent that happening again?
  
• Be sure the child’s sleeping area is cushioned and free of hard things, to prevent injury.
  
• Remember, next time you have a dream like that, fall gently and land gently, or else fly.
  
• Find something interesting and remember it.

Sample Solutions

An eleven-year-old boy dreamed of running, tripping over a stick, and falling over a cliff. He was “going down and down and down” and was almost about to hit the rocks, when he thought of changing the dream. He lifted his body up and started flying. He flew over the house he had just left. Birds started following him and talking and imitating him. He didn’t understand the birds but followed them as they flew forward. Two eagles joined the group and they all flew and did tricks together. Then an airplane appeared and the boy became concerned he would hit it and woke up.

Although the boy’s dream had a negative element enter at the end, he succeeded in pulling himself out of a free fall and was able to fly. In a “redream,” he could deal with the airplane as well. When I asked the child whether it was scary flying, he replied, “No, I just did it. It was free, like a bird.”

A second-grade girl also had a positive dream about falling; in it, she fell through a gutter where she discovered diamonds and other precious jewels at the bottom.

5. Make a drawing or some other creative product from the dream.

• You had such a good idea last night (or whenever) about how to deal with that falling dream.
  
• Would you draw me a picture of that dream?
  
• How would that dream look with the better ending? (if child did not spontaneously include it).
  
• You can change that picture or draw a n ...