IWON

A Different Kind of Mailbag

Joe — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:00:00 EDT

Greetings Zwinksters! Hope this summer day is finding all of you well. Mr. Metropolitan could not be more excited that summer is finally here. And believe it or not, I'm actually considering going on a boat trip once again. That's right, I've finally recovered from my trauma related to being shipwrecked for months on a desert island to consider hitting the seas surrounding Zwinktopia once again. Call it an adventurous spirit of a seafaring soul, if you will, or just plain stupidity.

But I've taken a pause from packing up the swimsuit and snorkeling gear long enough to open up the mailbag once again. While it seemed to be relatively full, I was disappointed to find out that a lot of what I've received from fellow Zwinksters was just junk mail this past month. I know that you, faithful Metro nation, can do better than that – and I'm sure there are many of you out there with burning questions and in desperate need of advice. With that in mind, I'll bend the rules a bit this time and answer a few questions outside of the normal advice-seeking scope. Why am I doing that? Simply because I can. So without any further delay, let's get started.

First up is an ultra-friendly Zwinkster who calls herself mrskiss, and writes:

HAPPY 3RD BIRTHDAY !! Have an awesome day and God bless all of you wonderful ppl!

Why, thank you so much, mrskiss! Clearly, you understand one of my golden rules - if you're not going to ask for advice, the best way to get into the column is with a compliment.

Indeed, we did celebrate a birthday here in Zwintopia very recently. Mr. Metropolitan, mind you, is much older than three years old and his birthday is a distant memory. But I've been happy to be part of the Zwinky team from the very beginning. And on behalf of all of us, we were very happy to celebrate this occasion with all of you. Not so much with those ugly and mean Zwinkyfolk that you see out and about sometimes, mind you. But for pleasant, nice and cheerful Zwinkies...like you, mrskiss.

Next up is my friend danradclifexmichelle, who writes in to ask:

hey mrmetropolitan! I've got a curious question for you. I've noticed that a lot of new store releases (House of Boos/Skeleton's Closet, ZALALALALA/Deck the Halls, XOXO/Red, etc) always release on a Thursday. Is this a set day to release things set by the Zwinky team or has it just happened by random? Just curious is all =)

First of all, let me say that it was great hanging out with you during the prom – however brief it was. Mr. Metropolitan had a surprisingly good time following around our esteemed king and queen during their appearances, and appreciates all of you guys turning out in full force to hang out with us. In response to your question, that's a great observation...but no, there is no general rule governing which days that certain stores are released or opened in Zwinktopia. In fact, the Zwinky team is often so busy that we barely notice what day it actually is when these releases do go out. So Thursday is really no more special than Wednesday or any other day around here. Every day is Zwinkyday.

Then there's a curious Zwinkster known as doc505, who was wondering:

hey mr. m, do zwinkys dance?

Sort of an odd question to be asked as an advice columnist...but hey, I'm game. The answer to your question? Sure, Zwinkies dance! In fact, it's my experience that your average Zwinky is just moments away from breaking out into a spontaneous samba at any given time. One good look around Zwinktopia should tell you that. I mean...why would we even bother having the Zwink! disco if Zwinkies didn't dance? I think that if you have yet to experience the joys of dancing, you clearly aren't sporting the right footwear, but one good trip to Shoebuy in the Zwinchester should fix that. Good luck and God Speed, my fleet-footed friend.

Finally, there's zwINK fan megan_200909, who writes in with this:

hey mr.metro i hav 2 probs mine and my bffs first ill go wth mine i think my boyfriend is cheating on me and i read his znote that said "hey whats up with the last znote have u been cheating on me." what should i do? and my bffs problem shes cheating on her boyfriend tyler with another guy she likes them both. she thinks tylers hot but the other guy stays on longer and cute but i told her "who cares about u more" and she said idk so please help btw i read the daily zwink ! i love it

Finally someone seeking some advice! Whew! Well, let me just say that if you think your boyfriend might be cheating on you, then clearly you must have some reason to believe that. And a cheating boyfriend might go so far as to ask you whether you, in fact, were cheating on him to put up a smokescreen of sorts. Granted, that wouldn't be a smart cheating boyfriend – since it's clear that you're seeing right through it. The best way to find out is just approach him with any evidence you have and try to get him to be honest and tell the truth. If you still don't feel comfortable that he's being honest with you, then it might be time to move on and find someone a bit smarter.

As far as your BFF, she's really on the opposite end of this...isn't she? I think she should be honest with Tyler about what's happening with the other guy, regardless. And then the only thing left to do is figure out which one of the two seems more like real boyfriend material. It sounds like she thinks both of them are cute, so that's a wash. So then move on to which one treats her better, and go from there. I'd personally stay away from the dumb ones, as I mentioned previously, though I'm perfectly aware that not every guy can be as naturally charming, brilliant and good-looking as Mr. Metropolitan. But you and your BFF sound much smarter than to waste your time with dumb guys.

Well, that's all I have time for now, as I must get back to the arduous chore of packing up. Enjoy the summer weather and get out as much as you can. And as always, take care and be safe out there!

The Most Infectious Mailbag...Ever!

Joe — Mon, 11 May 2009 17:00:00 EDT

Greetings Zwinksters! Some of you have been asking where I've been lately, and at least a few of you have openly wondered whether I might have become stranded on that desert island again. But fear not, Metro Legion! I am still here. I've just been holed up in my dorm for the past month or so working on my long-awaited book and spending countless hours in the pharmacy stocking up on cold medicine, worried about how Swine Flu might find its way into Zwinktopia.

I know, I know...it's a bit of a stretch. But in Mr. Metropolitan's world, you can never be too careful. So if that person next to you on the bus starts coughing and sneezing, feel free to glare at the person, disapprovingly, before breaking out that portable can or bottle of disinfectant. Tell 'em to stay home next time.

But enough of the talk about illness and public transportation tips. The old mailbag is overflowing with your questions...so let's break it open and tackle a few of them, shall we?

First up is a nice girl known as stephie204, who writes:

hey! do u love my outfit? i look like the princess of zwinktopia, do i not? hehehe! people have been calling me cheesy. but i love wearing this dress! hehe i feel like a true princess! lolzz. whats ur favorite food? mines mac-and-cheese.

Well, I can't speak for how others feel, but personally I like your outfit a lot. I don't think it's cheesy at all – and trust me, I've seen a lot of cheese in my time. But I see you do like some forms of cheese. I love mac and cheese, too. But as far as my favorite food, many people expect that given my sense of style, I would naturally be a fan – or shall I say, aficionado – of fine cuisine. Not so. The foods that I absolutely can't live without are pasta, pizza and ice cream. Not together, mind you, because that would be gross. And if you're lactose intolerant, just stay far, far away – as something cheesy can turn into something downright painful.

Up next is a Zwinkster known as sugarysweets, who avoided another trip to the dentist and wrote in to say:

um metro, just a suggestion do u think that zwinkys could possibly get anything more besides unlocking more clothes in their wardrobe with their zchievements?

Great question. And since you call me "Metro," would it be okay if I call you "Sweets"? Indeed, this question has come up before, and Mr. Metropolitan is on record as saying it would really be awesome if your Zchievements led to other unlockable awards and privileges. I'm certain that the Zwinky team is in fact currently discussing some options for potential Zchievement-related earnings, so I'd urge you to hang in there. I know it must be frustrating to hear me constantly say things like "Hey, trust me...the team is working on it," only to discover that months later, nothing has changed. But in this case, trust me. The team's working on it. It's just a matter of time before we have something to announce.

Then there's a concerned friend known as cute_lilsophie, who writes in with this question:

my friend has met this guy that she really likes and wants to date, but she put it off for years and then later on found out that the guy she liked was friends with her brother... should she push the feelings aside that are mutual? or should she pursue them?! i don't know what to tell her?!

Hmmm. Overall, if the feelings are mutual, I don't see why your friend couldn't date this guy simply because he's friends with her brother. I mean, if the guy she liked in that way was her brother, I'd say...hey, no, that's not going to work. Or if her brother was in jail, I might say that she should be hesitant. But as a friend, you probably have an instinct as to whether or not this relationship would be good for her. So forget her brother – heck, I always do – and let her know what you think.

Finally, there's our old friend and yours – mer508 – who wrote in to offer the following:

Mr Metro, i read your last mailbag, and i simply love the way you write, really you should write a book lol, please continue writing that very cool articles. Bye!

Well, thank you so much for the compliment. As I've mentioned above, I've been hard at work on a book for many moons now. Unfortunately, I can't reveal any details about the plot. I can say, however, that contrary to what the rumor mill will have you believe... the book has absolutely nothing to do with Miss Thang or Ms. Information, or love triangles of any real or imagined kind. I'm sorry if that disappoints some of you, but I'm sure once it's published that each of you will be immensely entertained by it.

Having said that, I just realized that I'm fresh out of printer paper and hand sanitizer – so I'm off to the mall yet again. Until next time, take care and be safe out there!

Mr. Metropolitan's Spring Mailbag Cleaning

Joe — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 02:00:00 EST

Greetings Zwinksters! I hope you're enjoying the first days of spring wherever you may be. Here in Zwinktopia, I was personally so excited about winter being over that I headed down to The Beach to catch some rays.

But I soon discovered that it was still pretty chilly down there, and even though there were tiki torches lit for a party... no-one was anywhere to be found. And I'm guessing those hot dogs or hamburgers won't be ready any time before Memorial Day. I guess I'll just restrict my outdoor activity to The Park until things get a bit warmer.

In the meantime, let's get started on some spring cleaning by opening up the mailbag and answering your latest questions.

First up is a sweetheart known as jenniifer-, who writes:

Hey Mr. Metropolitan,I took Ms.Information's Personality Test and it said I would most likely be good friends with you. :P I hear you're sarcastic... I am too. :P They call me the 'sarcastic queen' at school. Isn't that great?

Well, if it said you're anything like me, you obviously have a tremendous future ahead of you. And I'd fully embrace that title of "Sarcastic Queen." Wear it proudly, I say. Sarcasm is, in no way, a dead-end street that will make you a bitter, lonely and miserable adult. Mr. Metropolitan is certainly proof of that.

Our second Znote comes from a rather excitable Zwinkster known as mplilly01:

hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i need ur advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whats ur fave color?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously? I think it's very clear you need my advice. And the best I can give you is to calm down. Step away from the keyboard and take a deep breath. Maybe take a break from the computer, even. If it's sunny out and reasonably warm, head outside and take a brisk run or walk around the block a few times. Stay away from caffeine, stop renting horror films and try to avoid loud noises and Jonas Brothers concerts, if you can. Feel better now? Hope so. Oh...and the answer to your question is a very dark purplish color that I like to call "blurple."

Next up is a curious Znote from cuteypienotyou, who asks:

How r u a famous person on Zwinky?

Hmmm. Interesting question. You mean, aside from my smoldering good looks, impeccable style, immense intellect and rapacious wit? I really have no idea.

Finally, there's boy band fan ily_jonasbros, who writes in to say:

Mr e, u should give away hair 4 daily keepsake and you should sell better hair at the mall. plzz plzz take that under consideration! =)

Well, first off, I'm clearly not Mister E... so I'm not sure why I'm responding to this question. Second, I'm not sure something like hair could ever be considered a "keepsake" unless you have a tendency toward baldness. The keepsakes are intended to be limited edition items for your wardrobe and dorm room – not features like hair. So while we'll certainly consider your suggestion, I'm not sure that the Zwinky staff (even that shady character Mr. Foxtrot) would ever want to engage in the trafficking of Zwinky body parts. But hey, you never know. And as for better hair at the mall, that's a dream I think we can all share...not just in Zwinktopia, but for all humankind.

On that note, it's time for me to head out and try to enjoy more of the nice spring weather... if I can ever find it, that is. Until next time, take care and be safe out there!

A Valentine's Mailbag You're Sure to Love

Joe — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 02:00:00 EST

Greetings Zwinksters! Hope you're enjoying this long, cold winter. Personally, Mr. Metropolitan is sick of it -- and can't wait until spring. And I'm personally still recovering from the annual holiday known as Love Yourself Day, or what most of you would call Valentine's Day.

Every year, I use this day as an opportunity to send myself some flowers and indulge in as many large heart-shaped boxes of chocolate as possible. I know some of you may have issues with that. But to me, Valentine's Day is all about honoring the most important person in your life...the person who you love more than anyone else on this Earth. And... well, at least for most of my life...that person has been me.

So rather than going and crying about the fact that I haven't yet found that special someone, I choose to use this insipid holiday as a chance to enjoy myself, and admire just how incredibly great and immensely talented I have become. But for those of you who are fortunate enough to have a sweet or special someone in your life and for some reason didn't do anything about it, I highly recommend the offerings at Red (our special Valentine's boutique) as well as the Valentine's Day cards at Z's Greetings in the Zwinchester. Don't let this opportunity pass to let someone know exactly how warm and fuzzy you feel about them. Or else you just may end up like me. (Super-awesome, that is.) Having said all that, let's waste no further time and open up our February mailbag, shall we?

First up this week is a fashionable Zwinky known as clamstar12, who writes:

Hey, can you send me those shoes that was the daily keepsake because I wasn't on and those shoes were one of my ideas, so please. And by the way I will send more ideas. OK plz send it. OK bye.

Well...thanks for sending those ideas along! And I'd definitely encourage you to keep them coming. As for sending you the boots that you're referring to - which were featured as the Daily Keepsake on Jan. 22nd - I'm afraid that it's not possible to send the keepsakes as gifts. But even though the date has passed, you can still purchase the boots. Just click on the Daily Keepsake promo on your dashboard. When the current day's item pops up, simply click on the "Close" button. Then use the arrows at the top of the calendar view to navigate back to January, and click on the date. You should be able to purchase the boots from the ensuing screen.

Next up is a curious Zwinky who calls herself mylittledevil77, who writes in to say:

Hey Mr. Metropolitan what do zwinktopians mean when they say 5678 is where it's at yo? There was a zwinky that said 123 for me like they always do and I saw that somebody else said 5678 is where it's at yo. So I just want to ask if you know what they meant when they said 5678 is where it's at yo. Thank you for reading this.

No, thank you for writing! Clearly, you're referring to one of the hottest new trends – now observed throughout Zwinktopia – that was started by none other than yours truly. Back in November, when a Zwinkster known as twizzler_girl wrote in to express concern about the numerical references throughout Zwinktopia, I gave her a few tips about how to respond. And I'm glad to see that once again, I've started a new trend. First, cake throwing...now expressions...what will I think of next?

Then there's be_happy_bellalo, who writes in with a creative suggestion:

So u know how kids get an allowance from their parents? Well it would be really cool if u gave the zwinky people an allowance for good behavior, like if we don't get a suspension for a whole month, at the end of the month we receive 100 zbucks :] plz consider this.

Hmmm. Interesting suggestion there. But see, we here at Zwinky headquarters believe that Zwinkies should always be on their best behavior. And rewarding people for not getting suspended is like rewarding someone for not getting arrested, or thrown in jail. If you're a good Zwinky (as I know you are), and you're always doing the right thing and behaving the right way...you should have plenty opportunities to earn a lot more than those 100 Zbucks. For those of you out there who are treating people poorly or engaging in bad behavior, all I can say is that you should reconsider your actions, and be a lot more careful. You never know who might be lurking behind that tree or sofa.

Finally, it wouldn't be Valentine's Day without some questions of the heart, so jake_is_emo4lyf writes in with this:

Hey Mr. Metropolitan, I need some advice. I am sorta in a love square. I like three girls and one is my girlfriend. I have hurt her once and don't want to do it again; I'm trying real hard to back off the other girls but sometimes they draw me in. I hope you can help me! Thanks so much.

Three girls, huh? Well, it certainly sounds like you have your hands full. And you should understand that it's perfectly okay to have those feelings. You just need to be honest with all of them about how you feel - and avoid sneaking around behind their backs. If your girlfriend is hurt or threatened by your feelings, then you need to assess how much you value that relationship, compared to the feelings you have for the other two. As far as being drawn in, believe me...Mr. Metropolitan can totally relate to that. I gain so much attention from women that I often have to disguise myself in public, or else I'll be bombarded by affection. Just ask Miss Thang or Ms. Information.

On that note, I think I've said enough...perhaps even too much. Enjoy the rest of your Valentine's Day chocolates. If you didn't get any, go out and buy some! They're usually on sale right about now. Until next time, take care and be safe out there!

Opening Up the Holiday Mailbag

Joe — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 00:01:00 EST

Greetings Zwinksters! On behalf of everyone at Zwinky headquarters, I hope you're truly enjoying this holiday season. Mr. Metropolitan, on the other hand, is exhausted. After spending hours picking out the perfect Christmas tree a couple of weeks ago, I returned home to discover that the tree was too large for my dorm room. Or, rather, my dorm room was too small for this absolutely magnificent pine that I'd so diligently selected. So I went to work...sawing off branches and chopping down the trunk...until at last it fit. Well, sort of. Let's just say that it might be Christmas for a good long while in Mr. Metropolitan's humble abode...as this tree may have now become a semi-permanent fixture.

The whole tree ordeal left me so tired that I barely had any time to do any holiday shopping until the very last minute. So before I settle down for my long winter's nap, I figured I'd rip open the old mailbag for one last time in 2008...to help you get through this crazy time of year. So let's get to it...shall we?

Longtime Zwinky user agnostic__thesiem writes in to say:

So you guys always seem to be open for new ideas. How about something for the Zwinky Veterans? lol I've been part of zwinky for a couple of years. Before Zwinktopia even existed. And it seems that anything new that comes out tends to favor the rich rather than the loyal. I think it'd be a good idea to do something for the people that have stayed by zwinky's side

Well, Mr. Metropolitan completely agrees with honoring veterans of any kind. People should thank veterans each and every day...for helping to preserve the freedom that we too often take for granted. But I realize, of course, that you're speaking of our most loyal users -- and yes, I completely agree with you there, too.

As mentioned in a previous column, the Zwinky staff is still figuring out how to best reward and recognize our most active and dedicated users -- possibly tying it to the amount of Zchievement you may have compiled. But yes, I really agree that some kind of recognition for those who have been around the longest is definitely in order...so I will definitely discuss with the team. And we'll likely have something to announce for you in the new year, so it'll be something to look forward to.

A curious blondie-4-ever writes:

are you and miss thang a thing becues every where i go i hear people talking about it and it is really bothering me becues like i have no clue to listen to so if you can answer this question so every body can no the truth plz i want to know

Well, I thought I addressed this in my last column...and nothing has changed since then. So I'll refer you to my Thanksgiving post. And I'll also share with you that one of my New Year's resolutions is not to answer any more questions about Miss Thang.

A fun-loving user known only as lmao10 writes in with this:

Dude can you and all the zwinky makers stop saying zwinksters damn

Hmmmm. I'm honestly not sure why that term would upset you. But I'll certainly take it under advisement. At least, until I begin my very next column with the same two words that you see above. What's wrong with being a Zwinkster, anyway? So show some Zwinkster pride!

Finally, a very sly Zwinkster (ha!) known as forcast writes in with this gem:

hi give me $100 i only have $10

Brilliant! Now it takes a cunning mind to fool Mr. Metropolitan, mind you. But I can tell you I almost fell for that. Almost. But this is certainly a trick that I will put in my back pocket. And I urge all of you, dear readers, to try it on your friends and family during this holiday vacation. Someone might surprise you and fall for it.

And that's the perfect note on which to conclude things for 2008. On behalf of everyone in the Zwinky family, have an awesome and happy new year, everyone! Until next time, take care and be safe out there.

Talking Turkey with Mr. Metropolitan!

Joe — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 10:48:00 EST

Greetings Zwinksters! On behalf of everyone at Zwinky headquarters, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Mr. Metropolitan had a great time with the Metropolitan clan - but once again got into an argument over whether cranberries are indigenous to a specific area of New England, and ended up flinging some mashed potatoes at his cousin.

When the dust (and food) settled, we were able to sit down and enjoy the rest of a very large Thanksgiving meal. As a result, I'm still recovering from the copious amounts of turkey, cranberry stuffing and pumpkin pie.

Nevertheless, I'm never too overstuffed to reach into that good old Znote mailbag in order to help you, dear readers, get through this tricky time known as the holiday season. So what are we waiting for? Let's get to it!

First, let's get one thing straight. Curious reader sofine85 writes in to ask:

Hey, just curious...do you and miss thang have a thing goin? I sense some underlying tension that can truly be a deep attraction...lol...but that's so grade 2 don't u think? guy intentionally hits girl...when he really likes girl. good luck with that!!!

Let me start out by saying no, Miss Thang and I are simply colleagues -- and there is nothing, absolutely nothing, other than a few cubicles going on between us. Apparently I insulted her by saying in my last column that she didn't understand the male perspective of things - and being the gallant man that I am, I tried calling her repeatedly to apologize...after repeated attempts to talk to her during work hours were met with a cold stare. I may have even suggested in my phone messages that we meet at Java Jolt so that I could convey my apologies personally, since I'm always there, as the attached photo shows. Apparently she took that to mean I wanted to go out with her. But she, alas, is sadly mistaken.

So let me be clear, if Miss Thang happens to be reading this, as I know she secretly hinges on my every word. I am indeed sorry for suggesting that you do not understand the male perspective. Of course you do. But when a man of immense attractiveness and importance (such as Mr. Metropolitan) attempts to contact a person of the opposite gender for any reason whatsoever, people shouldn't jump the gun and inject some romantic fantasy into that. And clearly that's what happened, given that she felt inspired to write a column about Cuties pairing up with Hotties -- and then post a photo of me and her in the blog with a heart between us -- after my repeated attempts to reach her. I mean, you don't need to read between the lines to understand what's going on here, right?

So that's that...and now maybe she will feel fit to talk to me again. Or maybe not. We'll see after Thanksgiving break, I guess.

A glittering Zwinkster known as sapphire_city writes:

Hey, Mr. Metropolitan. I have a question for you...I already asked Ms. Thang about this but I wanna hear your side about it too. I have a friend (her name is Beverlee) and she is MADLY in-love with my best friend (Liam). She wants me to hook them up, but Liam says he doesn't like her THAT much. I'd love to tell her the truth...but I don't wanna betray my best friend or anything. But everytime I see Beverly, she keeps asking me how's my PLAN doing. What do I do? Tell her the truth or just tell her false hope? I feel kinda torn!

A great question. And dare I say this is the perfect question for my esteemed colleague Miss Thang, and I'd be curious to know her take on it. Personally, I think the best approach is for you to be completely honest with Beverly...or Beverlee, as the case may be. Because as we can see from what happened between me and Miss Thang, people get funny things in their heads sometimes. And it's best to be completely honest, even if the truth sometimes hurts.

And I really hope Miss Thang doesn't read anything into the fact that I keep mentioning her in this column...because that would be...I don't know...sad, maybe?

Excited entrepreneur naruto-2000 writes in to say:

Hi mr.metropolitan I was wondering its a new zwinky idea i know this sounds like alot, but i`d think it would please those zwinksters. Ok my idea is, how about they open a starbucks in my room...i would like a icon of me at the park and ZSU... and etc.....wearing a red apron green dress pants and a long sleeve white shirt i want to be the owner and the zwinky cash goes to where ever it goes and i got some pay to like for example if someone wanted coffee i would say the cost then it would pay me but not to expensive and like i want my room set up like a coffee shop...

Seriously, dude, the first thing I thought when I read your note was that you really need to lay off the caffeine. Trust me. That stuff will make your brain all wired - and keep you up all night wondering about things like the origin of cranberries and whether "stuffing" is really an apt term if you eat it outside of the turkey.

But in retrospect, I think your idea is great -- and represents a great spirit of entrepreneurship that we need in Zwinktopia. Every Zwinkster should have the right to make Zbucks through their own small businesses, and I'll fight for that right any day. So yes, we should consider these ideas and other ideas which promote entrepreneurs and Zwinkonomics. Wow...I'm sounding an awful lot like a candidate now. But I'd have your vote, right, naruto-2000?

Finally, a sweet Zwinkster known as twizzler_girl writes:

Hey Mr.Metropolitan!! Whats up? I love your outfit (its totally rad) and I just wanted to ask a quick q and maybe get an a. You know, I have never gotten why girls are always saying stuff like,"123 4 me!!!"and stuff like that.... None of it is real. So peoples, if you want a soul mate, search in the real world. Thats what I think. Anywas, just wanted to ask that and say hi.

Thanks, twizzler_girl! I love your name, by the way, and I'm sure Mister Snacktastic appreciates it as well. But yes, when you're looking for something like a soul mate, I completely agree -- Zwinktopia probably isn't the right place to do it.

As for the numerology that constantly goes on, the next time someone says something like you mentioned...just reply by saying "Nah - 5678 is where it's at!" or "2348 yo!" and just sit back and enjoy the reactions you get. Some people will play along, pretending they know what you mean, while others will just be puzzled. It's a fun new game for the holidays!

Anyhow, that's all the time I have for now. It's Black Friday, after all. Time for Mr. Metropolitan to get in the car, get stuck in mall traffic, then wait in line at the store only to discover all the items with the best deals have sold out hours ago. Until next time, take care and be safe out there!

My Summer Vacation...and Latest Mailbag

Joe — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 02:00:00 EDT

Hey Zwinksters! Mr. Metropolitan here. Remember me? I know a lot of people have been asking - once again - where I've been...say, for the last half-year or so. The truth is a pretty complicated story, which I'll share with you...at least in brief.

The truth is that I was shipwrecked on a desert island not far from the Zwinktopian coast for seven weeks over the summer. I know, I know...hard to believe. But in my case, true. Don't believe me? Take a look at my photo at left.

At first, I actually thought it was pretty cool. After all, I had all this time to sit back and work on my next column. I even grew a beard. (Well, it ended more like a scruffy goatee, but who really cares, anyway?) But then my laptop battery died. And even worse, I almost died -- fighting off some rather fierce looking sharks when I was washing my face one morning. I survived, but my laptop didn't. And they took a huge chunk out of my pants.

I soon grew tired of wandering around the beach in just a fashionable t-shirt and my skivvies. So I went in search of my missing cell phone, and I found it after some digging in the sand. Remarkably, it worked -- although the authorities could barely hear me, and ended up searching for me on the wrong end of the island. They blamed the cell phone connection, but that seemed crystal clear to me. Besides, I feel better about the fact that I needed to wait FOUR EXTRA DAYS for them to realize their mistake if I just chalk it up to them being utter morons. But I learned my lesson. Next time, I'm only vacationing within the confines of Zwinktopia.

But enough about me. My mailbag is literally overflowing with six months of your questions....so let's get to 'em, shall we?

Chick magnet aster_phoenix writes in to say:

Here's a question for ya: Why are girls so rude to guys who have girlfriends? I get asked out all the time, and when I say no because I'm not single, they cuss me out and - sometimes- stalk me. What happened to the little word "no" that we all learned in pre-kindergarden?

Great question there. I know a thing or two about this subject, since Mr. Metropolitan is nothing if not a chick magnet himself. And I'm glad you asked me and not our newest columnist, Miss Thang. She just wouldn't understand the guy perspective.

I think the answer to your question is that people have a hard time being rejected, and will resort to extreme measures when they feel it, especially in the most public of settings. So my advice is whenever you're asked out in the future, just change the subject rather than directly responding to them. Ask the person whether they're enjoying the weather, or whether they've checked out the cool new boutique in the Zwinchester. And if they're still persistent with the question, just tell 'em you wouldn't dream of ever going out with someone as rude and obnoxious as they are. Sound good?

Then there's ladies' man ztruesdale, who writes:

for your column for the blog can you adress the problem with dating on here? Im always asked by girls to go out with them and i always say no. Then when they ask why I simply say "i dont want a cyber girlfriend." Then. they just go out cussing me out... Can you explain that Zwinky is a chatroom and NOT a matchmaking site for desperate single girls (since they're the ones acting the rudest). Thanks.

Wow...this seems to be a more prevalent problem that I would've guessed. Obviously, Zwinktopia may have changed a bit since I've been stranded on that desert island. Have you been hanging out with aster_phoenix a lot?

While I think you're definitely right that Zwinky is not a matchmaking site, I can't say I agree with you that Zwinky is just a chatroom. Indeed, Zwinky is so much more than that. And I'm also not sure I agree that desperate single girls are the ones acting the rudest. Go anywhere within Zwinktopia...and you'll find plenty of rudeness to go around, and it's not just coming from members of a particular gender. But follow my advice above, and change the subject. And then leave the room, abruptly and without warning. They'll get the message.

Our feathered friend xxxbloodysparrowxxx writes in with this:

hello,it's-me-xxxbloodysparrowxxx-and-theres-a-problem-about-
the-rooms-evrything-we-buy-are-missing-i-bought-a-bonsi-tree-
and-when-i-went-to-place-it-in-my-room-it-was'nt-there-and-
this-is-a-huge-problem-it-'s-happening-to-other-zwinkys-also-
and-if-your-can-do-something-about-it-i-would-be-very-gratefull.

Wow. First of all, I think that's the first Znote I've ever received that's technically one very long word. Secondly, I'd recommend you take a breath...or else you may faint the next time you're at the keyboard.

I'm afraid there's very little that Mr. Metropolitan can do about missing Bonsai trees. As I've mentioned many times in this space, I can't answer any of your technical questions. Click on the "Help" link at the top of your Zwinky window, or submit a feedback form to our technical team if you're having trouble. But that reminds me....I need some new trees and plants in my room now. All of mine died after my summer lost at sea. :(

Finally, there's the Zwinkster with the lovely username islandglow2, who writes:

HEY! IM JUST WONDERING WHAT IS AMERICA LIKE CAUSE IVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO LIVE THERE AND HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO DISNEY LAND AND HOW BIG IS IT???? OOPS SORRY IM ASKING TO MUCH QUESTIONS BUT HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!! BYE!!!!!

Wow...calm down there! Those caps are the equivalent of yelling at the top of your lungs on the Internet, ya know. I hear you perfectly fine, and can certainly respond to you WITHOUT THE NEED TO RESORT TO SHOUTING. And that fat key on the middle left of your keyboard is called a CAPS LOCK. I'd recommend turning it off, if you can.

What is America like? Well, ask me after the next election...in a couple of weeks or so. And no, I've never been to Disney Land, but I've heard it's pretty big. Probably a lot bigger than the island I was stranded on. But I have no intentions of leaving Zwinktopia now, so I will likely never know. In the meantime, I think I do feel the need for another vacation coming on. I've got a massive headache from all this shouting.

Well, I'm afraid that's all the time I have today. Hope you all have a great Halloween...and check out the scary fun at Shocktoberfest next week when you get a chance! Until next time, take care and be safe out there!

Who's the Best Zwinky...or the Most Valuable?

Joe — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 09:28:00 EDT

Hey there, Zwinksters! Hope you're enjoying the spring season both inside and outside of Zwinktopia.

Many of you have been wondering where I've been over the past few months. The truth is that I've been holed up in my room, working on some special assignments, and waiting for spring to arrive. And now that my favorite season is finally here, I've busted out the laptop and headed over to the Park to bask in the spring sunshine and finally answer some of your Znotes from my overflowing mailbag.

First up is our good friend and yours -monkey_10931-, who writes in:

Hello Mr. Metropolitan! How are you? Guess what? I think I'm the BEST ZWINKY because I have more of everything. I have done every single quest, I have been a member for about a year. I also have 2899 ZBucks, 57381 Zchievements, and $5 on my ZCard . Too bad it's worthless. I will soon start going to Target and buy the $25 Zwinky gift card. Oh and I have everything non-ZCard from every store purchased by me. I have ZCard gifts, but that's it. I have some ZCard items from Z-Loft and one from Bravado Rock Vault purchased by me. So I think I deserve something.

Well, you certainly deserve something, monkey, as one of our most dedicated and loyal users. The amount of items you've accumulated is truly astounding. Forget a dorm room....you must live in a Zwinktopia mansion or something.

And rest assured, as Miss Cosmopolitan recently mentioned, all of us at Zwinky headquarters are busy figuring out a plan to reward our users with the most Zchievements by according them special status or access to certain Zwinky features. As for your suggestion that you may indeed be the BEST ZWINKY, I'm down with that.

Another huge and dedicated Zwinky fan known as cookiemouse3223 writes in to say:

Hello Mr.Metropolitan, I'm cookiemouse3223. I Think I'm The BEST ZWINKY Because I Have Almost Everything. I Have 155,755 Zchievements. 6533 On My Zcard. And 1200 On MY Normal Zbucks. And People Say That I'm Lying! Is That True?

Wow, this BEST ZWINKY thing is going to get kind of complicated, isn't it? Mr. Metropolitan's head is already spinning. As for whether or not you're lying, only you really know that. But you wouldn't lie to Mr. Metropolitan, right?

If those numbers are indeed true, cookiemouse, then you certainly have a claim to that title. Or another title that's not already taken by -monkey_10931-, that is. What about MOST VALUABLE ZWINKY, or MVZ for short?

Music fan liza444 took off her headphones long enough to write:

i luv ur hairstyle! can u put in some hawthorne heights music into zwinktopia, i really luv their music

Thanks for noticing the hair, liza444. Taking care of the hair is certainly not an easy part of Mr. Metropolitan's daily routine. It takes a combination of some hair gel, holding spray and some old chewing gum to get everything to stay in place. Oh, and we appreciate your suggestion about Hawthorne Heights, too. As Mr. Foxtrot recently wrote, we're always looking to get hot musical acts into Zwinktopia.

A wonderfully astute Zwinkster known as shiloh_nouvelle took time out of her day to write in:

Hi mrmetropolitan. I just wanted to give you a shout out because you look so suave. Take care.

Why thanks so much, shiloh_nouvelle. You look great, too. And I must say that because you have such great taste, I'm awarding you the honorary title of MOST AWESOME ZWINKY, or MAZ for short. I'm afraid until we iron out that whole Zchievements rewards thing, that might be the best I can do.

Well, that's about all for now. I have to go back and try and break my all-time personal best in Alphapets once again. What else is there to do in a Park, anyway? Until next time, take care and be safe out there!